Chapter 5 - The Chapter Where the Author Got Tired of Writing These Really Long Titles, and Just Decided To Stop That
for the Next Story's Sake, and the Reader's, and Decided to Simply Name This Chapter "The Last Chapter"
As the story picks up again, The Dancing Rhubarb continued to stare at the oncoming shadow.
However, since the object had already turned the corner, TDR figured he should look at the object instead.
The object was a strange, giant backhoe-like contraption, with huge claws at either side of
it. He noticed the strange touch of having the entire structure painted magenta. immediately, TDR knew this must be the work
of his evil nemesis, even though he had never met him personally until now, but TDR knew he would become his evil nemesis
eventually, The Pillsbury Dough Boy.
Almost as if on cue (hmm.....), Dough Boy's head appears in the big boxy thingie thats on top
of all evil machines.
"Hehe! You've guessed right, Rhubarb! Which is quite amazing because you didn't actually say
it aloud, but I just read that part, so I know you've guessed! Hehehe! I'm so silly!"
After a queer look from the author, Dough Boy pressed a big red button labeled "BUTTON". Immediately,
the machine did nothing (is that an oxymoron?). After about six more repeated smashings of the button, the machine finally
clunked to life.
After a mailbox got stomped on by the Erector set legs, Rhubarb thought it was a good time to
start running. So he did. Very fast. After all, he's the hero, so he can't be squishered yet (I like made-up words).
After running the entire length of Road St. (which is rather long), TDR thought he might try
to actually stop the robot. So, he lashed out with his nifty extendo-stalks. After missing, he lashed out again. Missing once
more, he lashed out again. This time, he hit the window on the front of the boxy-thingie, but his lashes were to no avail,
as the machine kept on clunkety-clunkety-clunking down the road, smashing builings in a cheesy, Godzilla like manner.
It smashed skyscrapers, and TDR did nothing.
It smashed the museum, and TDR did nothing.
It smashed TDR's apartment, and TDR--
Now TDR was ticked. He ran up the leg of the machine and launched himself at the Boxy-Thingie.
Obviously, since the lashings did nothing, neither would this, and TDR slammed into the window with a "squeak!" sound, and
slid slowly down the window like in the cartoons (just as everything else in this story is based off of cartoons).
Tauntingly, Dough Boy reached into TDR's apartment with his nifty-neato claw and disconnected
his Superphone. Reaching back out again, he crushed the Superphone with his nifty-neato claw, and threw it to the ground.
This once again provoked TDR, and he lashed out once more, in (yet again) the classic hero style
of not remembering that all his attacks do nothing. So, once again, his attacks did nothing. So TDR decided to revert back
to his original plan: run. And so he did.
He ran, and the machine followed. He ran, and the machine followed. He ran some more, and the
machine stopped at the grocery store, picked up a soda, and followed some more.
All the time the run-follow train was happening, Dough Boy felt it necessary to destroy random
objects along the way, so he did. He swung his claws through buildings. He shot Nifty-Neato trademark laser beams at hot dog
stands. Eventually, he stomped his robotic foot through the roof of the recreation center, and kept on following Rhubarb.
Or, he tried to.
Dough Boy pressed everything shiny and colorful on his main control dashboard, but nothing worked.
Then he, along with TDR, looked at the robot's main cable, which ran to the left foot. Their eyes ran along the cable until
they reached into the rec center.
Dough Boy's robot had just stomped right into his own parenthesis party, complete with balloons,
party gifts, and cake. And Dough Boy's robot's unlucky foot had just stepped into the punch bowl.
As The Dancing Rhubarb's universe is mostly based on cheesy hero/villain actions and cartoons,
the machine started to develop lightning around it, fizzling away at the structure. Now, if you haven't boned up on your cheesy
hero/villain actions recently, here's a free lesson: When something starts to fizzle and develop little lightning bolts around
it, it's gonna explode. TDR had caught up on his C.H/V.A., and ran away from the magenta machine. As expected (get ready for
more made-up words), it blew up with an explosionous boom! Dough Boy was hurled out of the Boxy-Thingie and went kapowwie
onto the street (horray for made up words!).
Almost immediately, a big white van came driving along and stopped next to Dough Boy. TDR,
while Dough Boy was being straightjacketed and thrown in the van, had just enough time to read the words on the side of the
van: "The Insane Asylum To End All Insane Asylums So Help Me God". Just as he finished reading, the van drove away into the
horizon.
*****************************(this is to symbolize that a quantity of time has passed. Duh.)************
TDR and The Motion Curves were sitting in their recently rebuilt apartment watching the news
bulletin about Dough Boy's crusade.
"....And informants tell us that our city's own The Dancing Rhubarb was the one who stopped
this insane criminal's rampage," the newslady said, with an enormous grin on her face.
Matty turned to The Dancing Rhubarb. "See Rhubarb? I told you you'd get a news bulletin about
you!!!"
TDR said nothing.
"Aww Rhubarb!" Matty replied, as the author opened up a Can O' Laughter (R) as the picture of
them faded. Just as the picture turned black, Matty turned to Rhubarb and asked, "Want a piece of parenthesis cake?"
The End.
Now get on with your miserable lives and eat muffins.