Ok, so "Once Upon A Time" there were these three little pigs, right? And one day, they decided to go out on their own, or something. Or maybe their dad was arrested, or they were evicted or something. Anyway, for some, uh, reason, they moved out of their house, and decided to each make a house of their own, ok? Cool.

     Anyway, they went to the same road or something like that; they all lived kinda near each other. Anyway, the first pig wasn't properly educated in home construction, so he decided to build his house out of straw. I don't really understand how you build a whole house out of straw; it would just be one big dome. After all, straw couldn't hold a bed or any furniture or even a pig, and I don't really get why or how, but anyway....

     The first one made his house of straw, and the second one made his house of sticks. Apparently, the first pig and the second pig went to the same, uh, house construction school or something, cuz they weren't very bright. Also, why choose sticks? Why not use logs? They're both wood, and sticks could barely hold anyone or anything, so why not use real large sticks? Anyway, the third pig seemed to be the brains of the family, cuz he built his house of bricks. Now, bricks are sturdy. They can hold weight, and beds and stuff, so the third pig was smart.

     Now, the pigs were pigs, after all, which meant someone wanted some bacon or pork or ham or something, and in this story, that person is a wolf. Well, a wolf isn't really a person, but the wolf, who was called the Big Bad Wolf, wanted to eat the pigs. He must have been really bad if they capitalized his nickname, but anyway, the wolf eventually found the first pig's house.

     Now, the pigs musta been notified of the wolf's appearance, or something, cuz they didn't want him getting in. Or maybe they knew he was gonna eat them, or, yeah. Anyway, when the wolf knocked on the door and said "Little pig, little pig, let me in, let me in", the pig didn't open the door. Maybe he was weirded by the wolf seeming to repeat everything he says. Anyway, acting all smug and stuff, the pig replied "Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin chin." Apparently, the pigs liked to rhyme things, although it's kinda ironic that he rhymed with the wolf's, uh, words. Anyway, the wolf got all mad cuz the pig wouldn't let him in, so he said "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down", cuz he was aware that the house was made of straw, and wasn't sturdy at all. So he huffed. And he puffed, and he blew the house down.

     Well, the first pig got all scared, cuz now he was defenseless, so he ran and ran to the second pig's house. The wolf, obviously hungry, followed him. He knocked on the second pig's door and said, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in, let me in." And the second pig, now aware of the wolf, said, "Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin chin." I guess, the first pig told him what to say, or something, cuz the conversation was exactly the same as the last time. Well, you can probably guess what happened next. The wolf said, "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down." And he did just that. This is why you should pay attention if you ever should go to house construction school.

     The third pig did, I guess. The two other pigs, with nowhere else to go, ran and ran for the third pig's house. The wolf, still hungry, followed them. He came to the house, made of brick, and knocked on the door, and said, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in, let me in." The brothers musta told him what to say too, cuz he said back: "Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin chin." I guess all of the pigs needed to shave. Anyway, the wolf made his threat: "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down." But the wolf was stupid, I guess, and didn't realize the third pig was smart and made his house out of bricks. He huffed. And he puffed. And the house still stood. He huffed again. And he puffed again. And the house still stood, uh, again. He huffed and puffed until he was entirely out of breath. The wolf wasn't very bright.

     So then, I guess the pigs called the police or something, cuz the wolf went away somehow, by himself or in a straightjacket, I think. Anyway, the three pigs stayed in the brick house, cuz then wolves couldn't get it, although I don't think the third pig was smart enough to install a home security system for burglars and such. And, uh, I guess they lived happily ever after, except for the wolf nightmares. Uh, that's it. The end.

 

On to Chapter 3